i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
