Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
