is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
