Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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