You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think i got beer on your cat.
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