Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize