Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
