I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
