To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
