Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
