you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
