No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
