bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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