i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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