I think i peed on brittanys purse
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
