guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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