There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
