just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
