...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
