we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
