when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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