Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
