I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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