If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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