And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
