fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you would pick up someone in the library
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
