You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
