she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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