I look better un-naked...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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