You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
