Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
