Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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