I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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