i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
