walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Girls should come with a carfax report
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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