I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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