Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
