i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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