The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You need a sexual gate keeper
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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