Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
