Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would fuck him just for his dog
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