fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
