I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
