I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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