Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
