so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
