just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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