Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
