Don't make out with my wife yet
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
