She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
