I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
