I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This beer is not sobering me up at all
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
