I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
