she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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