Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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