that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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