I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
