R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
