you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
