I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
