we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
