A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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