im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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