just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
