I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
