..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I will pee on everything he values.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
